ADHD and...Autism

When it comes to understanding how your brain works, I think more information is always a good thing. How you take in, process, and respond to the world is a lot of what makes you, you.

If you can figure out what’s going on in your brain when you think about and respond to your surroundings in certain ways, the world just starts to make more sense. You can see triggers and different situations coming, understand why you’re reacting the way you are, and work to change the way you respond (if you want) in the future.

For example, I used to be chronically late, and incredibly frustrated by it. I remember always berating myself, thinking, “Why can’t I just get this right and show up on time??”.

After my ADHD diagnosis, I read about time blindness and finally understood that my inability to be on time, despite constantly trying to be, was due to the way my brain just doesn’t understand time. I was able to create a plan based on that information for getting places on time and nowadays I’m late a lot less often.

And that just scratches the surface of all the ways I’ve been able to understand and make accommodations for the way my brain works in order to improve my life.

However, there were some inconsistencies with the way ADHD is described and the way it shows up for me. That can be totally normal…neurodivergence is all a spectrum. But some things were hard to ignore and didn’t really make a lot of sense.

For example, people with ADHD tend to be conversation interrupters, bad drivers (due to distractions), and lovers of all things novel. I’m not much of an interrupter, a very careful driver always paying close attention to all the details of the road and other drivers around me, and sometimes I like novel things but also have some pretty rigid feelings around needing sameness.

I had heard of AuDHD, but just thought, “nah, I don’t think I have enough symptoms to be autistic.” But there was this constant niggling thought at the back of my mind that just kept coming up any time I had an experience that didn’t quite feel like it fit with ADHD.

And then I heard this podcast episode:

The episode is long, but a good listen for sure. If you want to hear the AuDHD part, though, start at the 33 minute mark.

Kristen Carder’s guest, Dr. Priyanka Rao (who happens to be in Minneapolis like me), talks about the two warring parts of the brain in AuDHDers that both want to try the new shiny thing and also really crave sameness.

She also says:

It really takes strong emotions to make me cry. I almost never cry at movies or shows or books.

But when I heard Dr. Rao say that? I cried.

It was just too spot on and was like…somebody sees me.

A Therapist Weighs In

I brought up the episode with my therapist, but of course I downplayed the effect it had on me and didn’t choose to talk about the possibility of AuDHD a ton. She was also still getting to (re)know me, as I worked with her a few years ago (ok it was like 6 years) but things have changed since then.

Fast forward about a year. It has taken forever for me to really open up to my therapist and understand why I have such a hard time talking to her (turns out I have alexithymia but I’ll write about that another time), and in one of my recent appointments she just kind of threw up her hands and said we should consider the fact that I have AuDHD because the hints just keep on coming. How did that sound to me?

I said, in a nutshell, heck yes. I agree.

So AuDHD. How am I approaching life now?

Well, this was only a couple of weeks ago that my therapist told me she was seeing AuDHD, which is (for the most part) when I started allowing myself to actually believe it’s true. So I’m doing a lot of learning and exploring.

Here’s what’s happening so far:

1. I’m not seeking a professional autism diagnoses currently. It’s expensive and probably not necessary for me. I’m calling myself AuDHD, though. Self-diagnosis/psychologist validation is enough for me right now.

2. I’m listening to a few different AuDHD podcasts to find support and camaraderie. I’m a fan of AuDHD Flourishing and WTF is AuDHD? currently.

3. I’m being more gentle with my energy levels and paying closer attention to sensory triggers so I can avoid dysregulation. For example, I hate the feeling of wet hair on my neck. Before, I would’ve forced myself to tolerate it. Now I’ll throw on a scarf instead, because I’m learning that small adjustments like that can help my brain stay regulated. “Just deal with it” doesn’t actually work for my brain.

4. I’m understanding what’s happening when I’m feeling dysregulated. For example, I took my 1-year-old puppy and 7-year-old daughter for a walk to the nearby playground in a snowstorm. The wind was whipping, the snow was hitting my face, the puppy was pulling, I was getting really hungry, and my kiddo didn’t want to go home. Instead of feeling incredibly overwhelmed and not understanding why I couldn’t just be a fun parent, I knew that I was reacting to all of the sensory inputs and getting dysregulated because I have autism. It’s not a personal and parental failing.

That’s it! If you think you might be AuDHD (or know you are), please feel free to reply and let me know I’m not alone in all of this brain soup!

I dropped a few recs above already, but I’ve got something more for you. Let’s dive in.

ADHD Rec #8: Sweet Relief