In mid-2023, I felt like I was drowning. My house was full of doom piles, I couldn’t concentrate at all at work, I was constantly overwhelmed by everything I wanted to do in life, kept misplacing things, couldn’t remember appointments, and didn’t feel like I was being a very great mom.
I’d been diagnosed with anxiety for at least a decade, so I assumed that was the cause of all the hubbub in my mind. I sought out a therapist specializing in anxiety and started seeing her a couple times a month.
We spent the first couple of months just going over things in my background, talking through anxieties, and doing calming breathing/meditation practices. But as she started getting the full picture of what I was going through and how my brain worked, she put the pieces together.
“Have you ever watched any ADHD content on TikTok or anything like that? Do you relate to it at all?” she asked.
“I’ve seen a few,” I replied, “and they do seem fit somewhat…but I don’t have ADHD.”
My perception of ADHD was physical hyperactivity, and that was definitely not my predicament. But working with the therapist, I learned about the inattentive version and…hi, it’s me 🙋🏼♀️.
Getting the diagnosis itself wasn’t my favorite process. The assessment was long and I felt like I was having to convince the assessor that, despite my good grades in school and my stellar performance on her weird computer tests, I did in fact have a squirrel brain that was constantly in motion and ridiculously forgetful.
At any rate, she gave me the diagnosis in the end and I felt this immense relief, like I could finally explain that I wasn’t a messy, forgetful, late person on purpose.
@its.teens Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated #dashboardconfessional #vindicated #poppunk #music #lyricsvideo
There was definitely a honeymoon phase where I felt vindicated and happy to have an answer. Although I still feel that way, the honeymoon phase diiiiiiidn’t exactly last forever.
There are some really awesome ways things have changed, and some not-so-positive. Let’s start with the positives ✨.
How life has changed since my ADHD diagnosis: the positives ✨
The #1 biggest improvement in my life since my diagnosis is just having a better understanding of the way my brain works.
1. A better understanding of my brain
Before diagnosis, I would tell myself I was lazy, forgetful, messy, impulsive, irresponsible, a flake…the list goes on. It’s easy to berate yourself when it seems like everyone else just has their life so together, you know?
These days, I still have moments where I’m not happy with the way I’ve acted, but I’m definitely able to give myself more grace in moments of forgetfulness or when I’m struggling to start something, for example. I’m able to take a step back and say something like “ok, I acted this way because my brain struggles with working memory. I’ll make sure to write things like these on my calendar next time.”
This helps SO much in terms of combating feelings of shame.
When I was first diagnosed and somewhat still today, I became really interested in ADHD and all its quirks and did a lot of reading, podcast listening, and newsletter subscribing. That helped me learn so much more about how my brain works.
2. More tools in my toolbox
I kind of hate this analogy because it just makes me think of…
Dating myself with that one.
Anyway, understanding, reading about, and researching how ADHD brains work has given me so many more tools (physical/digital/mental) that I can use in moments of need.
A few examples in each category:
Physical ADHD tools
A timer to help with time blindness by allowing me to visualize my time (I have this one)
A wide, criss-cross office chair I can move positions in a lot (I have this one)
Ear plugs - I love my Loops and have multiple pairs!
A planner that comes as a 6-ring binder so I can make my own layout and get different types of inserts depending on where I’m currently at with planning
A few daily ritual tools (line-a-day journal, a candle, etc.) to ground myself in the present
Meds. I use medication to help treat my ADHD and it has been incredibly beneficial for me!
Digital ADHD tools
I started using Notion as a place to organize random thoughts. Of course I had big plans for it to be this incredibly useful tool that I use every day and it was going to be SO organized…and it’s not that. But it is a space where I can keep random things I want to remember (recipes, a database of places that hire writers or solicit pitches, a list of inspo for potential LinkedIn posts, etc.), even if I don’t use the tool to its potential.
In order to let myself have lots of newsletters about my special interests, I keep them in a separate inbox using Meco. 1000000% recommend.
YouTube - yep, I’m counting it as a digital ADHD tool! There’s a ton of good information on YouTube about ADHD, as long as you make sure you’re choosing to watch a legit creator or source. If you subscribe to ADHD Recs, I send out good ones often!
Mental ADHD tools
A majority of the ADHD tools I’ve adopted are mental. Such as:
Being able to notice when my rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) is acting up and taking a step back so I can re-assess the situation from a different, less defensive perspective
Counting backwards from any appointments, paying more attention to exactly how long things take, and adding padding time whenever I need to be somewhere to help my time blindness
Recognizing when I’m novelty seeking to help with things like impulsive shopping or signing up for things before really thinking about them
3. I’m a better advocate for myself
Before my diagnosis, I struggled to really know what I needed. I knew some things were extra hard for me to do or endure, but I didn’t know why or how to help myself with them.
Now, I’m better at not only knowing and understanding my needs, but advocating and planning for them. This might look like bringing earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones to a loud event, asking my husband for help with my daughter’s laundry, saving a really good podcast to listen to when I have to do laundry or clean up a doom pile, making sure there’s a fidget and gum in the car when I have to drive a longer distance, buying the criss-cross office chair so I can finally be more comfortable and sit in multiple positions throughout the day, and more.
I’ve also been able to talk about my needs with doctors. So for example, I had to go to physical therapy and kept forgetting or just not doing my exercises, so the therapist worked with me to bake them into my schedule and pick versions that I didn’t hate.
How life has changed since my ADHD diagnosis: the negatives 👎🏻
Honestly, the positives far outweigh the negatives, but I felt like the negatives still deserved a spot here. I only have a few points here for the negatives:
I feel like I’m part of the new “ADHD is over-diagnosed” stereotype/group. I really don’t know if it’s over-diagnosed or not, but I know that my symptoms are real and I definitely have ADHD. Still, I feel like getting diagnosed when so many others were going through it (and posting about it on TikTok) makes me part of that group.
I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that this is how my brain will work forever. For example, I knew I was bad at getting things put away in their places before, but I always thought something like “when I’m not parenting a toddler I’ll be better at this” or “my memory will improve when I have less to manage” and, well, that’s not necessarily true. My brain works like an ADHD brain and, while I can make small improvements, it’ll be that way forever.
I’m going to put advocating for myself both in the positives and the negatives, because standing up for myself and advocating for my needs isn’t always easy (especially given the potential AuDHD). I’ve definitely needed to gain some confidence in order to advocate, but I am slowly getting better at it.
Overall, my ADHD diagnosis has helped me learn and grow as a person, a mom, a friend, a partner, and a community member. I’m so glad I decided to go for an assessment and would urge anyone feeling like they need one to give it a try (if, that is, you have access to one…the state of access to mental health care is a whoooole ‘nother topic).
Now, on to my recommendation!
